I Don't Wanna

I'm not sure what is up with me these days. Back in May/June I had a period of time where I was very much focussed on playing games and Let's Playing but now I just don't want to do anything. Maybe I'm just tired. I've been working a lot lately and on July 16th I'm about to get even busier as I picked up a second job.

I still have a small pile of videos I need to upload but even uploading seems to be bothersome at the moment. Before, I actually liked uploading videos. Like, just the act of uploading it was satisfying. But right now it feels annoying. In the free time I have I'm so bored and have nothing to do. Yet I have no energy to Let's Play as I don't feel like speaking. So instead I've been playing games on my own yet even in that I've been... strange. I keep installing new games from my steam/gog library and playing for about one or two hours before quickly abandoning the game. None of them can hold my interest for long. Rather sad as I have a library of over 150 games when you count all my steam, gog, and retail games.

I love tower defense games so I bought Defense Grid: The Awakening today. Played 65 minutes. Just stopped. Not that it wasn't good or anything. Just suddenly felt apathetic towards it. Played Syberia for 82 minutes yesterday. Don't feel like going back to it. Again, not that it isn't good or that I didn't like it... just feel apathetic. This behaviour isn't that new to me though. This is like 70% of the reason that I LP: to help me actually finish a game. But it feels even worse than usual. Especially considering that I don't even feel like LPing these days.

Avernum 4 and Dungeon Siege 2 are two games that I've actually gotten a bit into despite this mood. Even so it's hard to start to play them. Once I start I'm good for those two but it's terribly annoying to make the decision to start. Also, my stupid OCD habit of making sure I get the most out of everything is driving me insane. For example, making several trips back and forth in Avernum to get all the loot and sell them all... even though the item is only worth 1 gold; making sure that I uncover every little speck of blackness on the map so I know I explored every single tile; back tracking because I get the nagging feeling that I missed something but then end up simply wasting time. I almost LPed Avernum 4 too. Thank god I didn't. For one. this mood wouldn't let me play the darn thing if I was LPing it and two, the above behaviour would be extremely irritating to watch, to edit, and/or to restrain.

Red Orchestra: Ostfront 41-45 is done downloading. Time to go play that for an hour or something. Whatever this mood is, I'm giving in to it.

Edit: Well, that game lasted barely 10 minutes. I thought it at least had some campaigns or something but none that I could see. Good thing I didn't actually buy that game but rather just got it as a part of a bundle.