The Ladies of The Internet

So this is a topic that's been circling around my mind for a while now: females on the internet. Throughout my whole internet "career" I have always preferred the company of males rather than females in anything internet related: games, chatting, um.. more games... However, in real life I have very few guy friends and much much prefer to be in the company of females. Thus, I wonder, why?

Upon examination of the females who roam the internet I have found there exists several categories: the socialist, the ditz, the tomboy, the woman, and the Queen. (As a disclaimer, of course these aren't ALL the categories nor does everyone fit into one or the other category... however, this is just a generalized satire if you get what I mean.) Let's go through them in order.

The Socialist: This is a group of women who enjoy, as the name clearly implies, socializing. Be it with other females or males, it doesn't matter. They are friendly and out going no matter the other's sex. They're often easily spotted by their use of simple smiley emots and easy acceptance of people. Socialists will easily flirt with males but not always... and when they do it's usually in a carefree manner that hints at just plain fun and jokes.

The Ditz: These are females who are prone to being or acting (let's HOPE it's acting) really fucking stupid. You know, the ones who use excessive exclamation marks and question marks???!?!???!????!!!! Ditz's are very prone to flirting and flirting badly. The kind of flirting that makes you kinda shake your head at best and gag at worst. Ditz's are also very eager to make their gender known to the public. They are those females who get all excited and bubbly when a 13 year old boy on call of duty asks "hey MissPussyKat r u really a girl?!?! R u hawt?" They revel in the attention of those poor deprived nerd boys and take any advantages they are given for being a girl. You can tell already what my feelings are towards this group. (Anyone from the Toegoff forums will recall MissGamerKitty.)

The Tomboy: These are females who are just... one of the guys. They don't normally show any desire to let their gender known; in fact, they usually have user names that barely hint at their gender, if at all. Their gender usually gets known to people from random conversation snippets or from voice chat (at which they are often met with "Whoa, you're a girl?" Or if they're like me it once again goes unnoticed in voice chat :P). Tomboys don't flirt much and their conversation style is usually more male-like than female. I find tomboys to be my second favourite of the groups here. They're easy to deal with and easy to make friends with.. for me anyways. Probably because a part of me is tomboy-ish.

The Woman: My favourite of the groups! These are females who are just... well, females. They're not overly proud of their sex like Ditz's are nor ambiguous like Tomboys. They let their gender be known but don't usually hold any particulars about it. They conduct themselves on the internet much like they would in real life – which is why I like them! They're usually fairly mature in mind and real age. They know how to have fun but they also know manners. (Again, anyone from Toegoff forums can recall MonstarCookies for this category. I greatly respect her for being a mature, respectable, well-mannered female denizen of the internet... yet she's still great fun to talk to :D )

The Queen: Ah... the Queen. These are females you may directly compare to Queen bees. They love to be in a group of males... but in a manner vastly different from the way a Tomboy is. As the name implies, they're the Queen of a group of males. They flirt with every one of them though often picking out a favourite. These unfortunate males range from being infatuated with the Queen or at the least thinking it's cool and awesome to have a girl amongst their midst. The Queen takes every advantage possible and basks in all the attention.
But beware! If another female approaches things WILL turn ugly. The Queen may choose a direct approach in being openly mean and spiteful towards the new addition. However, this is a dangerous path to tread for the Queen as her open hostility will make the males stop and wonder why (and perhaps even find out the fact that they're being used). More often than not a silent competition will ensue between the two females. Whether the other female is aware of it or not depends on what that female is. For example, if the other female is a Ditz, she will be very aware but at a vast disadvantage as she is much stupider and hold much less graces and charms as the Queen. If she is a Tomboy then she may or may not be aware but usually won't give a damn other than to think the Queen mighty stupid. And of course... God forbid you ever have two Queens butting heads!

Unfortunately, the internet is brimming with Ditz's and not nearly enough Women. Now, armed with this knowledge, go forth and STEREOTYPE my minions! >=D Um.. I mean, please remember that this is just satire and that not every female fits into just one category nor are exactly like I say they are. If you want to, try to guess which category(ies) I, or your female internet friend, fit in to!